Women's Health Improves with Good Relationships

Women’s Emotional Well-being in Romantic Relationships

When women are in secure relationships they heal faster, suffer fewer depressions, and express higher levels of happiness. That seems so intuitively obvious! What does a secure, attached relationship look like? Both partners are able to identify and accept their own emotional needs, recognize when they’re feeling disconnected or distant from each other, and they are able to have intimate conversations about their needs and emotions.  Both partners must be able to reach for each other and trust that they will be met with care and sensitivity. But how does a couple find their way to this deep sense of connection and closeness?

Many of us grew up in conflicted families. Maybe we didn’t feel safe and close growing up, and so don’t know how to trust, lean in, and feel secure now. Sometimes we reach for our partner in ways that prompt him or her to back away, afraid of getting it wrong.

Fortunately, the ability and need to be close are biologically wired into us. Emotionally Focused Therapy is specifically designed to help people understand their deep needs for safety and bonding, and to de-escalate the painful effects of the most common kinds of defensiveness.

When we don’t feel secure we often cope by using fight, flee or freeze responses. One partner pushes for connection, and the other, feeling criticized, backs off, frustrating the first partner deeply. In fact, both may feel a sense of panic about how badly their connection is going. Often this develops into an ingrained and desperate pattern, which takes control of the relationship.

Emotionally Focused Therapy has been well researched, and is effective in ending distress and/or building a strong bond in for 65 to 80% of couples. Treatment is often brief, about 12 to 18 sessions. Of course, when there is more pain and damage, such as an affair or addiction, or past relationship traumas, it takes longer to heal. In fact, EFT for Couples helps people who face major issues, such as infertility, blended families, recovering from an affair, and childhood trauma.

A cost effective way to begin is taking a Hold Me Tight workshop. Hold Me Tight, Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love is an educational program and is a great way to begin healing conversations with a partner in a group format.

Kristin Rosenthal, MA LPC, Mount Vernon Family Therapy Assoc, 703-768-6240