Strange-But-Allegedly-True Tales of Bond Court

‘Hospital Houdini’ Drives Stolen Ambulance to Wisconsin

A Chicago man made a Houdini-like escape slipping from his restraints during a medical transport and commandeering a Superior ambulance, which he drove to Wisconsin. Police eventually caught up with 23-year-old Michael Buckner in the Dairy State, but not before this dramatic dashcam video captured him crashing the ambulance. “He’s Houdini,” the judge quipped.

Holy Relic Burglar Goes on the Lam After Stealing Pope John Paul II’s Blood

A Lemont man went on the lam after he allegedly stole donation money and holy relics in a series of burglaries from a Catholic church, including Pope John Paul II’s blood and a piece of bone belonging to St. Faustina Kowalska. Security cameras installed inside the church identified a person of interest, 32-year-old Joseph Bailey. When police picked up Bailey for questioning, a Lemont detective suggested that Bailey “help himself” by retrieving the stolen relics from his home. After waiting outside for a while, it was determined that Bailey had slipped out the back door of his residence. He was arrested and charged a few days later with burglary and escape. The pope’s blood was eventually recovered.

Ex-Car Porter and Date Break Into Home, Steal Booze, Take Bath in Jacuzzi

If you’re writing a book, you may want to add a chapter about the ex-car porter who took a woman out for their first date for an evening of booze and bathing. Prosecutors said 34-year-old Kiril Kostov used a stolen key to enter a Burr Ridge mansion, where he and his lady friend drank alcohol and retreated upstairs to take a bath in the home’s Jacuzzi. Police released the woman because she sincerely thought the Kostov lived there.

Man With 84 Arrests Claims He Served In Marines Under JFK But Was Only 4 During Kennedy Presidency

Upset that he was going to miss an airshow, Willie Gude tried to reason with the judge that he served in the U.S. Marine Corps under President John F. Kennedy after he was picked up on a retail theft charge at the Evergreen Park Walmart. Prosecutors noted that Gude would have been four years old when Kennedy was elected president in 1960. Later in the bond hearing, Gude changed his branch of service to the U.S. Air Force.

Obama Hater Declares Presidential Candidacy in Court

A Harvey man charged with stealing items from an Oak Forest Food 4 Less store, declared his presidential candidacy during a bond court appearance. Christopher Hucko, 44, shouted “Barack Hussein Obama is a fraud” and told the judge he is running as an independent candidate for president of the United States. Police said Hucko expressed similar opinions about the president when he was arrested for stealing a pink G-Spot Delight vibrator from the Orland Park Lovers’s Lane store.

Rehab Center Resident Charged in Metal Footrest Attack

Prosecutors said 52-year-old James LeBlanc removed the metal footrest from his wheelchair and attacked his roommate at a Bridgeview rehabilitation center. The two had been arguing over the setting on the air conditioner.

Potty-Pinching Parolee Sent Back to Pokey

A parolee’s home improvement project never got off the ground after he was charged with stealing a Kohler toilet from the Home Depot store in countryside. Wei H. Shan, 29, who was paroled from an Illinois Department of Corrections facility is back at the Stateville Reception Center, according to records.

Punch Drunk Redbox Kiosk

Walmart Supercenter employees in Bedford Park detained a man after he allegedly punched and kicked a Redbox kiosk on Halloween night. Christopher Quevedo, 33, was charged with criminal damage to property after a Redbox representative assessed damages to the kiosk at $784. “Didn’t he get his DVD,” the judge asked.

Child Told To Push Cart of Stolen Merchandise Out of Store

At the same Bedford Park Walmart Supercenter, a Chicago woman was charged with retail theft and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Prosecutors said 21-year-old Crystal Fondren was observed putting $400 worth of merchandise into a cart. She allegedly told the child to push the cart with the stolen merchandise out of the store.

‘That’s Not Even Prime Beef’

A man was arrested after prosecutors said he stole six choice strip steaks from an Alsip ALDI store. Charles Baker was charged with felony retail theft. Before the judge set bail, he expressed his opinions about the quality of meat at ALDI: “That’s not even prime beef. You’re lucky if you can get choice beef out of the place.”

Staring Man Creeps Out Diners

Oak Lawn police arrested a man on disorderly conduct charges for staring at people when they were eating. Diners became unnerved when 51-year-old Scott Washack watched them eat at Panera Bread. Prosecutors said the diners claimed Washack followed them to two other Oak Lawn restaurants.

The Cook County Circuit Court Fifth Municipal District serves the southwestern suburbs of Cook County.