Round 2 of Patch's Presidential Debate Drinking Game Is on Us

Are you and your liver still on speaking terms after playing Patch's drinking game during the first U.S. presidential debate? Then it's time for the second debate and Round 2.

The biggest lesson we learned from watching Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump square off last month is that there is no room for shame in 21st century U.S. politics. The lack of civility and outright decency in the first debate even had cock fight promoters cringing and calling the entire televised display vulgar and tasteless.

The second biggest lesson we learned was that the members of the American electorate weren't the only ones who needed a stiff belt to get through the entire debate, beginning to end. With the way Trump and Clinton began loudly interrupting and insulting one another like drunken sailors trying to settle a bar bet, it seemed fair to assume that both candidates had a few shots of "liquid courage" — or some type of mood-altering substance, according to Howard Dean — before stepping onstage.

If the past is prologue, then Sunday night's debate will only be satisfying if Clinton and Trump decide to settle who will be the next president in a civilized and culturally relevant manner: a duel with pistols at dawn, Hamilton-style. Barring that, viewers will just have to entertain themselves with Round 2 of the Patch Presidential Debate Drinking Game.

THE DEBATE: Clinton reduces her rebuttals to Trump's attack on her political record to a single, repeated gesture, and in so doing, she becomes the first, real-life GIF:

THE DRINK: Pour a glass of champagne and give a toast to that display of sass.

THE DEBATE: Trump reduces his rebuttals to Clinton's attacks on his sexist attitudes and tax records to repeatedly imitating a popular YouTube personality:

THE DRINK: Do a shot of Red Bull and Jägermeister. Then do a spit take at the sheer horror of the above image.

THE DEBATE: When both candidates start to get unruly, co-moderator Anderson Cooper restores order by threatening to turn the debate over to Kathy Griffin, his co-host during CNN's New Year's Eve Live broadcasts.

THE DRINKING: Take a sip of first debate moderator Lester Holt's tears.

THE DEBATE: Trump recruits Clinton to the Republican Party by revealing that he's actually her father.

THE DRINKING: That's it! You're cut off! Clearly, you've had too much to drink if you're hallucinating Empire Strikes Back references while watching the debate.

Second U.S. Presidential Debate

• When: 9 p.m. (EST) Sunday, Oct. 9
• Where: Washington University, St. Louis, MO
• TV: ABC, CBS, CNN, CNBC, CSPAN, Fox, Fox News Channel, MSNBC, NBC, PBS
• Online: ABC News will stream debate on Facebook Live; CNN. com will air it; Bloomberg News will air it on Twitter

(NOTE: Patch Media does not advocate binge drinking or using alcohol as a way to self-medicate. The Patch Presidential Debate Drinking Game is for reading entertainment and not to be taken literally. Patch Media, however, does advocate being engaged in the U.S. political process and hopes you will vote no matter what your views about drinking games are.)

This is an opinion article. The opinions expressed in this piece do not necessarily reflect the views of Patch Media.

Patch Presidential Debate Drinking Game: Round 1 (Originally published Sept. 24, 2016)

As anyone who has been avidly following this year's presidential election can attest, drinking copious amounts of alcohol is probably one of the easiest ways to cope with the often frightening — and at times, depressing — campaigns of both major-party candidates.

And not since the Democratic and Republican campaigns this summer has there been a larger invitation to binge drink this election season than the first debate between GOP candidate Donald Trump and his Democrat opponent, Hillary Clinton, on Monday.

In preparation for the event, Patch has created the Patch Presidential Debate Drinking Game as a way to possibly numb yourself while watching the candidates attack one another.

But don't come to this game looking for an easy way to get blitzed. An inebriated electorate isn't necessarily the best kind of electorate for this country. The Patch Presidential Debate Drinking Game doesn't go after low-hanging fruit, such as how many times Trump uses the words "great" and "tremendous." We've picked debate elements that get to the essences of the two candidates and elements that we truly hope happen Monday night.

Patch Presidential Debate Drinking Game

THE DEBATE: Clinton refers to her possible presidency as "her God-given destiny that will not be derailed by a New York land baron with the hair of a bleached opossum and the temperament of a half-starved Appalachian least weasel."

THE DRINKING: Take a shot.

THE DEBATE: A frustrated Trump uses this maneuver taught to him by his debate adviser, former Indiana University basketball coach Bob Knight:

THE DRINKING: Choke the person to your left and then take a slug of his or her drink.

THE DEBATE: Clinton nervously laughs each time the word "email" is mentioned and asks her primary opponent Bernie Sanders to come onstage to tell everyone to stop talking about the "damn emails."

THE DRINKING: Down an entire Ensure nutrition shake, then bitterly sit on the couch for the rest of the debate, mumbling that you should be the one on that stage before finally going to bed at 9:30 p.m.

THE DEBATE: Trump makes a false accusation about Clinton but distances himself from it by saying that's just what he's heard or been told.

THE DRINKING: Do a shot.

THE DEBATE: Crowd "ooos" after Trump lands a sick burn against Clinton about her aloofness and wooden public persona that distances her from the American public.

THE DRINKING: Do two shots.

THE DEBATE: Crowd groans after Clinton fails to land sick burn against Trump about his small hands.

THE DRINKING: Serve everyone else a round of drinks.

THE DEBATE: Trump repeats claim that Clinton has been replaced by a double only to have the real Hillary Clinton emerge from the audience and reveal that Trump actually has been debating "Saturday Night Live's" Kate McKinnon all along.

THE DRINKING: Down a bottle of beer. Then realize that what you thought was Stella Artois turned out to be a bottle of O'Doul's non-alcoholic beer.

THE DEBATE: Trump mistakenly calls moderator Lester Holt Don Lemon, Danny Glover, Donald Glover, Matt Lauer and Megyn Kelly throughout the debate, but he tries to make it better by saying, "I have a great relationship with African Americans, as you possibly have heard. I just have great respect for them, and you know they like me.”

THE DRINKING: Turn off the TV. Stay off the internet. Volunteer in your community. Try to be a force for positive change in other people's lives because that's something elected officials don't feel they need to be.

THE DEBATE: Trump admits his campaign is a big prank that got out of control and decides to drop out of the race.

THE DRINKING: Empty your bank account at the nearest liquor, excise or convenience store and buy all available alcohol there to celebrate.

First U.S. Presidential Debate

• When: 9 p.m. (ET) Monday, Sept. 26
• Where: Hoffstra University, Hempstead, NY
• TV: ABC, CBS, CNN, CNBC, CSPAN, Fox, Fox News Channel, NBC, PBS
• Online: ABC News will stream debate on Facebook Live; CNN. com will air it; Bloomberg News will air it on Twitter

(NOTE: Patch Media does not advocate binge drinking or using alcohol as a way to self-medicate. The Patch Presidential Debate Drinking Game is for reading entertainment and not to be taken literally. Patch Media, however, does advocate being engaged in the U.S. political process and hopes you will vote no matter what your views about drinking games are.)

This is an opinion article. The opinions expressed in this piece do not necessarily reflect the views of Patch Media.

Photo via Patch archives