Parents Behaving Badly Turn School Pickup Into Chaos: Block Talk

The pickup lane at the elementary school where a Joliet (Illinois) Patch reader’s kids attend school sounds like a free-for-all.

The reader, Carlie, described “double parking on both sides of the street during pickup" and parents who completely abandoned their cars in the street, got out and grabbed their kids from the crush of students leaving the school at the end of the day.

“Absolutely ridiculous!” Carlie said.

To her, the behavior is a symptom of an impatient society and a lower tolerance for waiting and delays. She wishes the school had a safety officer during drop-off and pickup “to make for a smoother time.”

Carlie was among readers who responded to our informal survey for Block Talk, Patch’s exclusive neighborhood etiquette column. We asked readers to discuss the etiquette rules that should guide behavior in the school drop-off and pick-up lane. We also asked readers to complete the sentence, “Aggressive or bad behavior by parents in the school drop-off lane is a symptom of …”

‘They Give You Attitude’

A Madison (New Jersey) Patch reader recounted incidents involving “entitled parents who think it’s OK to double park, or cut in line, or just straight up block you in.”

“When being honked at, they give you an attitude,” the reader said.

The police officer on duty during drop-off and pickup time “tries, but it’s not enough,” the reader said. “There is either going to be an accident or road rage.”

The reader said the aggressive behavior amounts to “bad parenting.”

“I mean, the kids in high school are going to be driving soon,” the reader said. “These entitled parents who almost cause accidents are showing their kids that it’s OK to do what they’re doing.”

Illinois Patch reader Karly said the lack of etiquette during before- and after-school transport “shows what bullies Americans have become.”

“Our school has suburban and rural kids. They all get along, despite some of the parents,” Karly said.

“The most obnoxious thing I've seen is a woman in her pickup with dualies who was smoking cigarettes with the windows open, singing a country-and-western song with extra twang between drags,” Karly said.

Karly didn’t reserve her criticism for people with mud on their wheels. For some parents, drop-off and pickup times are a promenade.

“Those ‘big missies’ in their Mercedes and BMW SUVs are sipping fancy coffee drinks instead of blowing their cigarette smoke out the window, but they actually have worse manners,” Karly said. “I'll just be over here drinking water from a plain bottle in my used sedan pretending I'm invisible.”

Leave The Chaos At Home

Parents and their kids need to get their acts together rather than bring their chaos to school drop-off, some readers said.

Brick (New Jersey) Patch reader Cheryl, a parent and drop-off duty teacher, said it’s not unusual for the parents to slow down the process when they get out of the car to put on their children’s coats and backpacks.

“Before you enter the drop-off line, your child should have everything they need in a closed backpack. Their coat should be on. They should be able to buckle and unbuckle their seatbelt and get out of the car on their own,” Cheryl said.

“You will see them again this afternoon, I promise,” said Lake Forest-Lake Bluff (Illinois) Patch reader Michael. “Stop with the conversations with the door open. You’ve had the whole ride.”

Ashburn (Virginia) Patch reader T said problems could be avoided with better planning by parents.

“At every elementary school I have been to, there is a 20-minute drop-off window. The first 0-10 minutes are always pretty dead, and everyone tries to come in the last 10,” said T. “Drivers’ behavior worsens the closer it is to the bell.”

Aggressiveness Endangers Kids

There’s more than annoyance at stake with the “overwhelming sense of self-importance” on display in the drop-off and pick-up lane, said Middletown (New Jersey) Patch reader Steven.

“Aggressive or bad behavior puts the children being dropped off in danger,” he said.

Harry, a Cleveland Patch AM reader, didn’t see it firsthand but recalled news accounts about a father who showed up drunk to pick his kids up from school last spring.

“I’ll bet this happens more than we think,” Harry said. “If parents are showing up drunk to pick up their kids, or even drop them off in the morning, what else is happening in those kids' homes? Knowing that could explain a lot about their academic performance and behavior.”

Bad behavior while getting their kids to and from school is a symptom of “their overall anxiety and inability to cope in a world that moves fast, pivots quickly and demands more focus than many people are willing to give,” Harry said.

Don’t Flip The Bird

Northbrook (Illinois) Patch reader Señor Fuentes said the best solution is to make riding the bus to school affordable to every family in America.

“This problem could be eliminated if the public schools weren’t charging families $800 to $1000 per child for regular, daily bus service,” he said.

He thinks parents’ aggressive driving before and after school is a symptom of “anger about the ridiculously high cost of bus service that used to be provided at no charge to families.”

Señor Fuentes has seen it all, from some surprising sources.

“My sister-in-law, not realizing that I was behind her, picking up my daughter … darted away from the curb, without looking, and flashed me the bird,” he said.

‘Exercise Is Good For Them’

Some readers said driving kids to and from school is pampering them too much.

“Buy your kid a bike or good walking shoes. Drop them off near but not at the school, and move on,” said GMac, who reads several California Patch sites, as well as Across America Patch. “The exercise is good for them.”

GMac said that’s a better alternative to inching forward in line and blocking driveways and intersections as motorists creep along to get as close to the school as possible.

“The best bet,” Across America Patch reader Lee said, “is to drop off the little darlings in the school parking lot, which has a lot more room for laggards than in front of the school entrance.”

Lee added, “I had to walk a mile to school back in the day; times have certainly changed.”

It’s Complicated, Though

Mimi, a Dover-Sherborn (Massachusetts) Patch reader, asked for understanding.

“Dropping off and picking up a neurodivergent child complicates this,” she said. “Stop judging people if you don't always know their reasoning.”

For kids with autism, ADHD and similar conditions, the school pickup and drop-off routine can be a major source of anxiety and sensory overload. Unpredictable environments, loud noises and sudden shifts in routine can trigger meltdowns or behavioral distress.

During pick-up, Mimi arrives early so she can park where her daughter can see her.

“Pulling forward puts me out of her line of sight, and she cannot manage that,” Mimi said. “Her aide tries to let her be more independent by allowing her to walk to the car by herself, but she is easily distracted. If she doesn’t see our car, her attention shifts, and she heads off in another direction.”

The pickup lane may never be orderly enough to satisfy everyone, but readers generally agreed that patience, preparation and attention to the rules can make it safer and less frustrating for families with different needs.

About Block Talk

Block Talk is an exclusive Patch series on neighborhood etiquette — and readers provide the answers. If you have a topic you’d like us to consider, email beth.dalbey@patch.com with “Block Talk” as the subject line.

Catch up on Block Talk

• What Your Neighbors Say About Park Etiquette Basics
• E-Bike And E-Scooters Are Fun, Useful And Sometimes Terrifying
• The Simple Neighborhood Traditions That Are Quietly Disappearing
• Unruly Parents Are Ruining Youth Sports